as it happens network

I think the moral of my story is to never get involved in relationships. I believe in love and people being happy together, but I think some people are made for it and some people just donapos;t have what it takes for something that can be so fragile, yet so strong. There has to be a balance and I think I just fail at everything.

I try to be myself, I try to tone myself down a little and be different, I try to work things out, I keep everything to myself, I take criticism to heart and try to improve, I put up my guard and donapos;t change anything, Iapos;m emotional, Iapos;m emotionless...

It just doesnapos;t matter what approach I take, there is always something that the other person canapos;t deal with...and itapos;s killing me. I just want to be loved by someone and love someone in return. To be happy together and support each otherapos;s passions. To learn and grow from each other and do something epic as a team. It sounds like such an easy goal, but for some reason itapos;s just so hard.

Iapos;ve told myself over and over that itapos;s me...or itapos;s them, but no matter what the conclusion is...Iapos;m still the one left alone, hurting and feeling as if somethingapos;s wrong with me. I have people always telling me how great I am and how much fun I am to hang around with or talk to. Iapos;ve been complimented on many things concerning my personality and have had several people compliment my looks. So with so many things going for me...why is it that itapos;s not enough? Is it something about me? Or do people have this strange delusion that relationships are supposed to be flawless?

I canapos;t offer sunshine and rainbows everyday. Iapos;m broken, abused, tainted...there is so much ugliness on the outside. The beauty is buried within layers of distrust and insecurity. Iapos;ve let myself believe every person who tried to convince me that they could break through the barrier. Iapos;ve constantly tried to convince people that I had too much baggage, but they insisted they could handle it...only to turn around and give up on me.

Iapos;m so tired of feeling so worthless 8(

change e mail yahoo, as it happens network, as it happens npr, as it happens photography.